Everything Ain't Shade

Listen, if you’re always looking for a reason to be offended, TRUST me you will always find it. 

Sis (& bro, for the men on here) everything ain’t shade.

Someone not buying (or promoting) your product, is not shade sis. Maybe they don’t have the funds. 

Someone not saying good morning when you first walk in, is not shade sis. Maybe they’re still processing whatever happened in their world last night. 

 Every statement, action, LOOK, comment, moment ain’t shade sis. 

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately and became hyper-aware of it during the Brandy vs. Monica #Verzuz last week. While watching I was texting #thegroupchat and the center of our conversation was around the music (and the shoes). 

I was enjoying myself so much that I didn’t even register the apparent “shade” between the two women until I hoped on Twitter... 

… and read the trending tweets. And chile let Twitter tell it, these women were on the verge of killing each other. I honestly didn’t pick up on ANY of that, until someone pointed it out and changed the way that I watched the battle. 

Lately, I’ve started to live my life leaning more naively and unaware of “shade” being thrown at me. I think the older you get the more you realize that the shade someone else is “throwing” has one, nothing to do with you and everything to do with them, and two, the shade is only relevant if I acknowledge it. 

Do I notice shade, absolutely but the difference that I can control is how and when I RESPOND to that shade. Yes, sis, I heard you and fully understand that you were making fun of me, or attempting to hurt my feelings, and even with that knowledge I’m STILL gonna keep it moving. 

It’s going to cause me to exert more energy than if I just chose to ignore it. 

My favorite phrase these days is: I’m gonna give some grace. Ask my coworkers and close friends, I have pretty much ran this phrase into the ground, and with good reason. 

Grace and love legitimately cover a multitude of sins. 

“Maybe they didn’t mean it that way.”

“I’m sure they’re not blatantly ignoring my text, they probably just didn’t see it.”

“I know their plate is just as full, if not fuller, than mine, I’m gonna give more time.” 

“I’m sure that she would have worded that differently if she knew it hurt my feelings.” 

These phrases and many like these are things I like to keep at the tip of my tongue because these are the things I want to be said about me. I don’t want people to assume that I am throwing shade in my every day action and comments. It saddens me that we have gotten to this hyper-sensitive state in our culture where everything is perceived as shade. It comes from a place of “I’m not going to let you hurt me”, so I am going to always have my guard up, always on the lookout for what may hurt me, including your words. Living like that is exhausting because it’s a constant state of “they’re out to get me” and sis, no one is out to get you. The average person that you interact with is not trying to hurt you, so don’t perceived it as such.

Again, maybe that’s me being naive, but I am going to give some grace and say, trust me sis, everything ain’t shade.