National Single’s Day. 😊

*cracks knuckles* let’s talk.

For those that are reading this post who are single, one, I hope you’re happy, healthy, and flourishing in this season. I hope you’re embracing this time for all that it has to offer you. And I hope you’re doing it for yourself because society will NOT do it for you. (If you’re married, I hope these things for you too ❤️)

We live in this weird culture where we should always be hoping for the next thing and the next thing and the next thing without appreciating what we have now.

We. Are. In. Such. A. RUSH.

We are overstimulated, over-entertained, always looking, seeking, and searching for the next …

… job, home, meal, season.

And I notice those patterns creep into our personal life too. I mean, just look at your lifetime:

Starting at birth, you learn to crawl…

“…okay when are you going to learn to walk?”

You started high school, you need a hall pass to use the restroom…

“…okay what do you want to be when you grow up?”

You graduate college or you start a new job…

“…okay, what’s your plan to rise to the top before 30?”

You start dating someone…

“… okay, when is he going to pop the question?”

You get engaged…

“…okay, so when’s the wedding?”

I think you get the point.

My personal experience stops me at the engagement, but I have friends who just got married who are being questioned about having kids. Friends who just had kids, who are being questioned about having another… and the cycle continues.

Now, hear me when I say that hoping and praying and seeking for the next season is not wrong. None of this is wrong IF that is how you choose to live your life. But everyone isn’t in a rush. If you’re excited and working toward a new season, that includes something “next”, I am here to celebrate it. I have a dear friend who’s DREAM is to become a wife and a mother, so when I pray for her, that’s included in my prayers.

But I will NOT be the friend that applies pressure to her timeline of a family, and I want to stress that’s the point of this post.

The pressure that comes with being single in this society.

And the sad part about it is that a lot of this pressure is directed toward women, and it only gets worse the older you get. As I am quickly approaching 30, if I told you some of the things that have been said to me as a single woman from strangers, friends, AND leaders alike, you would be ready to pop OFF.

I’ve had people try to hook me up with random men that THEY didn’t even know their age, sexual orientation, or marital status.

I’ve had people ask me when I am getting married… knowing I am not dating anyone.

I’ve had people ask me when I going to have children... without first asking if I even WANTED children, let alone if I had a spouse to create those children with.

Now I personally have always felt that people actually (for the most part) mean well. Chalk it up to me always being naive, I know that the sweet little old lady at Target who’s asking me where my man is, does not mean any harm, so I take no offense. But I think as a society we tend to focus more on the lack of a partner before focusing on the full life that someone is already living without the partner.

A lot of women won’t hear this, so let me be your internet best friend and you can hear it from me:

It. Is. OKAY. To. Be. Single. AND. Happy.

It is okay to desire marriage and a family, YET still be content in your singleness.

It is okay to not desire a relationship at ALL.

It is okay to want to wait on making those serious decisions until you have other things in line.

It is also okay to change your mind on ANY of the above topics as YOU see fit.

I am so honored that I/we get to grow up in a time where we have the Oprahs and the Tracee Ellis Ross’ and the Lizzos’ who send a positive message of singleness to women like me. Who are excelling in their career sans spouse and doing it well. Women like Yvonne Orji, who is not silent about waiting to have sex until marriage. Women like Myleik Teele who remind us that life is generous and that it is possible for us to have children later in life. I am so honored to grow up with parents who are not asking about my dating life and “where are the grandchildren?”. I have people who do not know my middle name(s), yet ask me more than my own mother, who am I dating. Sis, learn my favorite color first.

This season is allowing me to get my finances together, to get my health in order, to learn more recipes. I can come and go as I please. I can watch what I want to watch. My weekends are free to do whatever I choose. I take naps in the middle of the day and procrastinate on my laundry. I don’t have to pick up anyone from school, work, gym, etc. I buy groceries for myself AND flowers for myself. Those, plus countless other reasons are why I choose to embrace my singleness.

I love this little life I have built. Is it perfect? God no, but, it is perfect for me in THIS season. I still meet wonderful men who will make amazing spouses and fathers…

… to someone else, because here’s the thing, I am also not looking to settle.

As someone who gave the ring back, hear me when I say: I still desire marriage. As a feminist and a hopeless romantic, I find the idea of a partner who is excited to share a life AND the responsibilities of a home and a family dope. Heavy on the word: share. I grew up with a father who cooked AND cleaned, so I expect that in a spouse. I am hopeful to leave a legacy that future generations can lean on. The thought of raising children terrifies me, but with the right person, it may not be that bad.

Until that time comes, let me enjoy my singleness and if that’s your marital status, I hope you’re enjoying it too.

Happy National Single’s Day.

Single People Glow Too